A vicious cycle of self doubt.

I sometimes wonder if I’ve learned from past mistakes or if I’m doomed to repeat them. Previous experiences have taught me that risk often outweighs the reward and has left me risk averse. I feel like I live in this constant fear that no matter how hard I try I’m inevitably going to fail and success will continue to elude me. I know in reality that failure isn’t predetermined and can be preventable. But for some reason no matter how much I succeed I can’t seem to shake this fear.

I know it’s holding me back from achieving greatness. Even when faced with the opportunity to succeed, my inner self immediately questions if I’m making the right choice, and fills my mind with “what if” scenarios.

Let me give you an example. I recently attended an info session for the Design program I’m interested at NAIT. I learned that my skills and existing credentials as they are currently are competitive enough to be accepted into the program full-time. I also learned that the costs associated with this program are completely within my reach of affording. Great news for any prospective student to hear right??
This new information, has shown me that I’ve made the right choice about where to go to school and build my career. But immediately my first concerns are “I’ve found the perfect program so it must be too good to be true”, “am I sure this is where I want to go in my career?”, “what if I burn out and fail?”. It’s like the inner pessimist in me can’t shut up when positive situations arise.

I know that these are all valid concerns that most new students feel, but my problem is I can’t seem to get over them enough to take the next step and begin preparations for enrolment. I just want to avoid discussing it, or even thinking about it because it’s stressing me out. It’s depressing really as I stand here at the threshold of opportunity and can’t muster up the courage to step over it. Like what’s wrong with me?

I don’t know maybe I’m biased because past experiences in my life have proven to me risk often outweighs the reward, either that or I’m just afraid to succeed. It just frustrates the hell out of me because I want nothing more than to succeed in life and to do so I’ve got to be able to take risks and embrace opportunity when it presents itself.

Its a vicious cycle, I swear. And I can only blame myself.

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A Geeky T-Shirt Trifecta!!! Santa came through!

Man oh man its been a lil while since I posted to my blog last. This past week has been crazy. I completed my first aid/CPR training and am now qualified to assist people until help arrives. I also attended my company christmas party this weekend which was pretty awesome. The food was amazing which I was fully expecting it to be seeing as I work for an Italian Grocery store. The girlfriend and I had a lot of fun and certainly enjoyed the delicious buffet. I also found out one of my all time favorite punk bands Good Riddance is making its return to Edmonton this year. I’ve been waiting ten years to see them and thought it would never happen when they split up a few years ago. So glad they regrouped and have decided to come back here its been too long.

But the best part of my week was that my Reddit Secret Santa gift finally arrived. I mentioned before that my previous Santa basically was more of a Grinch than a jolly fat man, so I signed up to be rematched. Man did my rematch Santa ever spoil me and sent me 3 geeky t-shirts. Not only did they take the time to read my profile to figure out what I would like but they couldn’t have picked it any better. Was definitely a thoughtful gift from someone I’ve never met.

I’ve included some photos to check out. My fave shirt is the Halo Spartan one. So geeky. Plus I’ve been meaning to get a T-shirt in that colour.

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All 3 Shirts

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Zombie Heartbreak

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Bomberman cleanup Aisle 1

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SPARTAAAAAAN!

Despite having to be rematched because of my first santa’s scrooge like spirit all in all my experience in the exchange has been an excellent one. My matchee loved his gift and my rematch santa nailed my gift right on the head. I can’t wait to participate in future exchanges.

Now I must admit recently I have been struggling through a writers block of sorts. That’s part of the reason my posts have been so random recently. I have a few exciting things coming up over the next little while including taking my first art class since high school starting this week (YAAAAAY!!!) so I’m sure I’ll have plenty of excellent things to write about over the next while. Though for any of you still reading this I would appreciate any advice you may have at combating writers block and how you keep your own creativity flowing. I’m going to keep on trying to post more and more frequently though and see if I can power through this creative dry spell. Wish me luck all.

Weekly Blogging Challenge #6 : Take a look It’s in a book.

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With school being finished and not having any homework to worry about I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied. So I’ve been taking online courses and trying to read more frequently in an attempt to challenge myself intellectually. Over the past year I’ve been creating a list of books I must read over the next year. So far I have come up with 5 books I want to read.  I have already finished one while I am currently working on # 2. 

For today’s challenge I decided to share my book list and why I selected each title. 

1) 1984 – George Orwell (Currently reading)

I’ve been wanting to read this book for years. Orwell’s version of a dystopian future,  where society is controlled by a tyrannous party headed by Big brother and individual freedom and thought are a considered a criminal act. Orwell’s vision of the future seems all to real in today’s world of everyday surveillance, and public mind control through the media. 

2) Not wanted on the Voyage – Timothy Findlay (Completed)

A retelling of Noah and the Great flood. This story was compelling, emotional, and an excellent perspective on the well known biblical tale. Be warned, those with strong religious beliefs will likely be offended by the story. But for those like myself it’s a sad, yet hilarious read. 

3) The Diary of a Young Girl – Anne Frank 

One of the world’s more well known books about the holocaust, I’ve been meaning to read through this story for years. I’ve attempted to on one occasion but struggled with this window into one of the worst atrocities ever committed in human history. This young woman’s powerful, beautifully written diary about her struggles with everyday life while in constant fear of being captured has made this one of the hardest books I’ve ever attempted to finish. I plan on finishing this right after I complete 1984. 

4) The War of the worlds – H. G. Wells

I’ve seen the movie(s), the homages and all the other similar style stories that were inspired by this science fiction classic. Most of the pop culture I love has been influenced by this book even in a small way.  Yet I’ve never actually read this story. I’ve been dying to read this for a long time but I always ended up putting it on the back burner for another book. I own a copy of it and can’t wait to cross this one off my must read list.

5)  Catch 22 –  Joseph Heller

A term that has now become a part of everyday language. A “Catch 22” as defined by wikipedia,  is a problematic situation for which the only solution is denied by a circumstance inherent in the problem or by a rule. This story has been recommended by many people I know as a must read. Listed repeatedly as one of the greatest literary works of the 21st century and notable for its humorous and satirical take on a mans struggle to survive in the face of an no win scenario. I hear it’s a good laugh on such a serious subject and look forward to giving this one a go. 

Thanks for taking the time to read today’s post. I know its only 5 must read books so far, but I figured keep the list small and when finished start a new one. Based on what I have shared today, I’d love to hear from you readers any recommendations for books you may have read. 

 

(Image courtesy of http://under30ceo.com/26-awesome-books-every-entrepreneur-should-read/ via google image searc)

Wicked Wednesday Psychobilly Madness

Creepshow

Last night I had planned to write before I went to bed, but the girlfriend and I went to a psychobilly concert, which ended up going much later than I expected. Especially for a Wednesday.
So I ended up going right to bed when I got home as I had to be at work this morning.

Despite being pooped and feeling the mid-week blah’s before heading into the show, we both had an awesome time. Headlining the show was Toronto’s The Creepshow, who play a wicked blend of old school rockabilly music with a horroresque theme similar to The Misfits but with a female vocalist.

Now I’ve seen them live before for a Halloween concert a few years back and had a blast. The girlfriend, having been introduced to the band by me had never seen them before last night, so she was pretty excited. The band recently went through some lineup changes with the departure of their lead singer. So it was my first experience seeing her replacement.

Now not that the new girl was terrible, as she had a wicked voice. But throughout the whole set I could hardly understand her because she had no strength behind her voice. She was in tune but was almost impossible to hear her against the rest of the band, and most of the night she mumbled through each song. It could have been no fault of her own and just sound issues, but it really took away from the show.  Despite those issues, the band still rocked the joint and put on a great show and we ended up having a great time.

As well one of the headlining acts was a local band called Fire next time. I’ve seen them once before and they put on a good set. Being my second time seeing them, I was again pleasantly surprised just how good these guys are. In my opinion they were almost better than the headlining act.  The bass player was by far one of the most entertaining and energetic musicians of the night, so hilarious.

In the meantime I’m going to prepare for another show I have coming up this Saturday featuring a local ska band named Mad Bomber Society, who are my second fave Ska artist right after The Mad Caddies (Who I also get to see live next month and can hardly contain my excitement).

Anyway before I go, I’ve decided to share a link to one of the songs by The Creepshow that I love titled “The Garden“. I hope you take the time to check it out if you haven’t heard them already. As always thanks for reading and hope you enjoy the tunes.

Mike

Sometimes I struggle to understand my gender.

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(Comic courtesy of http://www.leasticoulddo.com)

I recently started a new warehouse job at the local Italian market now that school is finished. While it’s not overly interesting, its decent money and more hours than my last job. My experience at this new job has been ok so far. The work is hard, people are friendly and I get free lunch everyday from the deli (which is a pretty sweet deal).  But I find myself surrounded by a bunch of men, most of which are old Italian men.  

Throughout most of my adult life, the majority of my work experience has been in call centers or other office type jobs. So I’m used to being in an environment that’s a higher ratio of females than males. It’s like that with my friendships as well. I have a pretty female oriented friendship base with only a small handful of male friends. In fact its been almost 10 years since I worked around so many guys. In my first week at this new job so far I have had at least 3 instances where I was completely baffled by my gender. 

During my second day there, one of the guys at lunch was sharing a porno he likes on his phone and passing it around between the guys all proud of it like it was some great accomplishment. Later that same day a different delivery driver exclaimed proudly that he regularly cheats on his wife, and that he doesn’t give a shit if his wife knows, much to the delight of his fellow coworkers. And then today I had an Italian man (also named Mike) show me and two other coworkers a dirty photo he took of some girl he was fooling around with in the back of his delivery truck. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not a prude, I’m quite comfortable in my sexuality and have no difficulties talking about sex in front of other people. But this whole macho, alpha male, bragging about sexual conquests type bonding men do I just don’t understand. Maybe its because I’m surrounded by fresh outta high school boys and dirty old men, but I felt completely awkward when faced with each of these situations. Especially because 95% of their discussions are demeaning and objectifying women, which I just have no respect for. Honestly its outdated and pathetic to witness. 

So I’m not sure how long I’ll last at this job. I mean it’s good for now and its an upgrade from my previous employment. But I can’t see myself staying there long. I no longer desire to join in on this male need to stroke my sexual ego when around other men. I wonder if other guys feel the same way I do? I’m sure I’m not the only one who could do without this type of male bonding. 

Anyway thanks for reading folks. I’ll have this weeks writing challenge up by the end of the day Wednesday for those of you who care. 

20 Historic Black and White Photos Colorized

Awesome work by some amazingly talented colorists. Love it!

TwistedSifter

 

One of the greatest facets of reddit are the thriving subreddits, niche communities of people who share a passion for a specific topic. One of the Sifter’s personal favourites is r/ColorizedHistory. The major contributors are a mix of professional and amateur colorizers that bring historic photos to life through color. All of them are highly skilled digital artists that use a combination of historical reference material and a natural eye for colour.

When we see old photos in black and white, we sometimes forget that life back then was experienced in the same vibrant colours that surround us today. This gallery of talented artists helps us remember that 🙂

Below you will find a collection of some of the highest rated colorized images to date on r/ColorizedHistory.

I’ve also provide a list of some of the top contributors (in no particular order):

zuzahin aka Mads…

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