A vicious cycle of self doubt.

I sometimes wonder if I’ve learned from past mistakes or if I’m doomed to repeat them. Previous experiences have taught me that risk often outweighs the reward and has left me risk averse. I feel like I live in this constant fear that no matter how hard I try I’m inevitably going to fail and success will continue to elude me. I know in reality that failure isn’t predetermined and can be preventable. But for some reason no matter how much I succeed I can’t seem to shake this fear.

I know it’s holding me back from achieving greatness. Even when faced with the opportunity to succeed, my inner self immediately questions if I’m making the right choice, and fills my mind with “what if” scenarios.

Let me give you an example. I recently attended an info session for the Design program I’m interested at NAIT. I learned that my skills and existing credentials as they are currently are competitive enough to be accepted into the program full-time. I also learned that the costs associated with this program are completely within my reach of affording. Great news for any prospective student to hear right??
This new information, has shown me that I’ve made the right choice about where to go to school and build my career. But immediately my first concerns are “I’ve found the perfect program so it must be too good to be true”, “am I sure this is where I want to go in my career?”, “what if I burn out and fail?”. It’s like the inner pessimist in me can’t shut up when positive situations arise.

I know that these are all valid concerns that most new students feel, but my problem is I can’t seem to get over them enough to take the next step and begin preparations for enrolment. I just want to avoid discussing it, or even thinking about it because it’s stressing me out. It’s depressing really as I stand here at the threshold of opportunity and can’t muster up the courage to step over it. Like what’s wrong with me?

I don’t know maybe I’m biased because past experiences in my life have proven to me risk often outweighs the reward, either that or I’m just afraid to succeed. It just frustrates the hell out of me because I want nothing more than to succeed in life and to do so I’ve got to be able to take risks and embrace opportunity when it presents itself.

Its a vicious cycle, I swear. And I can only blame myself.

A Geeky T-Shirt Trifecta!!! Santa came through!

Man oh man its been a lil while since I posted to my blog last. This past week has been crazy. I completed my first aid/CPR training and am now qualified to assist people until help arrives. I also attended my company christmas party this weekend which was pretty awesome. The food was amazing which I was fully expecting it to be seeing as I work for an Italian Grocery store. The girlfriend and I had a lot of fun and certainly enjoyed the delicious buffet. I also found out one of my all time favorite punk bands Good Riddance is making its return to Edmonton this year. I’ve been waiting ten years to see them and thought it would never happen when they split up a few years ago. So glad they regrouped and have decided to come back here its been too long.

But the best part of my week was that my Reddit Secret Santa gift finally arrived. I mentioned before that my previous Santa basically was more of a Grinch than a jolly fat man, so I signed up to be rematched. Man did my rematch Santa ever spoil me and sent me 3 geeky t-shirts. Not only did they take the time to read my profile to figure out what I would like but they couldn’t have picked it any better. Was definitely a thoughtful gift from someone I’ve never met.

I’ve included some photos to check out. My fave shirt is the Halo Spartan one. So geeky. Plus I’ve been meaning to get a T-shirt in that colour.

All 3 Shirts

Zombie Heartbreak

Bomberman cleanup Aisle 1


Despite having to be rematched because of my first santa’s scrooge like spirit all in all my experience in the exchange has been an excellent one. My matchee loved his gift and my rematch santa nailed my gift right on the head. I can’t wait to participate in future exchanges.

Now I must admit recently I have been struggling through a writers block of sorts. That’s part of the reason my posts have been so random recently. I have a few exciting things coming up over the next little while including taking my first art class since high school starting this week (YAAAAAY!!!) so I’m sure I’ll have plenty of excellent things to write about over the next while. Though for any of you still reading this I would appreciate any advice you may have at combating writers block and how you keep your own creativity flowing. I’m going to keep on trying to post more and more frequently though and see if I can power through this creative dry spell. Wish me luck all.

Weekly Blogging Challenge #6 : Take a look It’s in a book.


With school being finished and not having any homework to worry about I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied. So I’ve been taking online courses and trying to read more frequently in an attempt to challenge myself intellectually. Over the past year I’ve been creating a list of books I must read over the next year. So far I have come up with 5 books I want to read.  I have already finished one while I am currently working on # 2. 

For today’s challenge I decided to share my book list and why I selected each title. 

1) 1984 – George Orwell (Currently reading)

I’ve been wanting to read this book for years. Orwell’s version of a dystopian future,  where society is controlled by a tyrannous party headed by Big brother and individual freedom and thought are a considered a criminal act. Orwell’s vision of the future seems all to real in today’s world of everyday surveillance, and public mind control through the media. 

2) Not wanted on the Voyage – Timothy Findlay (Completed)

A retelling of Noah and the Great flood. This story was compelling, emotional, and an excellent perspective on the well known biblical tale. Be warned, those with strong religious beliefs will likely be offended by the story. But for those like myself it’s a sad, yet hilarious read. 

3) The Diary of a Young Girl – Anne Frank 

One of the world’s more well known books about the holocaust, I’ve been meaning to read through this story for years. I’ve attempted to on one occasion but struggled with this window into one of the worst atrocities ever committed in human history. This young woman’s powerful, beautifully written diary about her struggles with everyday life while in constant fear of being captured has made this one of the hardest books I’ve ever attempted to finish. I plan on finishing this right after I complete 1984. 

4) The War of the worlds – H. G. Wells

I’ve seen the movie(s), the homages and all the other similar style stories that were inspired by this science fiction classic. Most of the pop culture I love has been influenced by this book even in a small way.  Yet I’ve never actually read this story. I’ve been dying to read this for a long time but I always ended up putting it on the back burner for another book. I own a copy of it and can’t wait to cross this one off my must read list.

5)  Catch 22 –  Joseph Heller

A term that has now become a part of everyday language. A “Catch 22” as defined by wikipedia,  is a problematic situation for which the only solution is denied by a circumstance inherent in the problem or by a rule. This story has been recommended by many people I know as a must read. Listed repeatedly as one of the greatest literary works of the 21st century and notable for its humorous and satirical take on a mans struggle to survive in the face of an no win scenario. I hear it’s a good laugh on such a serious subject and look forward to giving this one a go. 

Thanks for taking the time to read today’s post. I know its only 5 must read books so far, but I figured keep the list small and when finished start a new one. Based on what I have shared today, I’d love to hear from you readers any recommendations for books you may have read. 


(Image courtesy of http://under30ceo.com/26-awesome-books-every-entrepreneur-should-read/ via google image searc)

Wicked Wednesday Psychobilly Madness


Last night I had planned to write before I went to bed, but the girlfriend and I went to a psychobilly concert, which ended up going much later than I expected. Especially for a Wednesday.
So I ended up going right to bed when I got home as I had to be at work this morning.

Despite being pooped and feeling the mid-week blah’s before heading into the show, we both had an awesome time. Headlining the show was Toronto’s The Creepshow, who play a wicked blend of old school rockabilly music with a horroresque theme similar to The Misfits but with a female vocalist.

Now I’ve seen them live before for a Halloween concert a few years back and had a blast. The girlfriend, having been introduced to the band by me had never seen them before last night, so she was pretty excited. The band recently went through some lineup changes with the departure of their lead singer. So it was my first experience seeing her replacement.

Now not that the new girl was terrible, as she had a wicked voice. But throughout the whole set I could hardly understand her because she had no strength behind her voice. She was in tune but was almost impossible to hear her against the rest of the band, and most of the night she mumbled through each song. It could have been no fault of her own and just sound issues, but it really took away from the show.  Despite those issues, the band still rocked the joint and put on a great show and we ended up having a great time.

As well one of the headlining acts was a local band called Fire next time. I’ve seen them once before and they put on a good set. Being my second time seeing them, I was again pleasantly surprised just how good these guys are. In my opinion they were almost better than the headlining act.  The bass player was by far one of the most entertaining and energetic musicians of the night, so hilarious.

In the meantime I’m going to prepare for another show I have coming up this Saturday featuring a local ska band named Mad Bomber Society, who are my second fave Ska artist right after The Mad Caddies (Who I also get to see live next month and can hardly contain my excitement).

Anyway before I go, I’ve decided to share a link to one of the songs by The Creepshow that I love titled “The Garden“. I hope you take the time to check it out if you haven’t heard them already. As always thanks for reading and hope you enjoy the tunes.


Sometimes I struggle to understand my gender.



(Comic courtesy of http://www.leasticoulddo.com)

I recently started a new warehouse job at the local Italian market now that school is finished. While it’s not overly interesting, its decent money and more hours than my last job. My experience at this new job has been ok so far. The work is hard, people are friendly and I get free lunch everyday from the deli (which is a pretty sweet deal).  But I find myself surrounded by a bunch of men, most of which are old Italian men.  

Throughout most of my adult life, the majority of my work experience has been in call centers or other office type jobs. So I’m used to being in an environment that’s a higher ratio of females than males. It’s like that with my friendships as well. I have a pretty female oriented friendship base with only a small handful of male friends. In fact its been almost 10 years since I worked around so many guys. In my first week at this new job so far I have had at least 3 instances where I was completely baffled by my gender. 

During my second day there, one of the guys at lunch was sharing a porno he likes on his phone and passing it around between the guys all proud of it like it was some great accomplishment. Later that same day a different delivery driver exclaimed proudly that he regularly cheats on his wife, and that he doesn’t give a shit if his wife knows, much to the delight of his fellow coworkers. And then today I had an Italian man (also named Mike) show me and two other coworkers a dirty photo he took of some girl he was fooling around with in the back of his delivery truck. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not a prude, I’m quite comfortable in my sexuality and have no difficulties talking about sex in front of other people. But this whole macho, alpha male, bragging about sexual conquests type bonding men do I just don’t understand. Maybe its because I’m surrounded by fresh outta high school boys and dirty old men, but I felt completely awkward when faced with each of these situations. Especially because 95% of their discussions are demeaning and objectifying women, which I just have no respect for. Honestly its outdated and pathetic to witness. 

So I’m not sure how long I’ll last at this job. I mean it’s good for now and its an upgrade from my previous employment. But I can’t see myself staying there long. I no longer desire to join in on this male need to stroke my sexual ego when around other men. I wonder if other guys feel the same way I do? I’m sure I’m not the only one who could do without this type of male bonding. 

Anyway thanks for reading folks. I’ll have this weeks writing challenge up by the end of the day Wednesday for those of you who care. 

20 Historic Black and White Photos Colorized

Awesome work by some amazingly talented colorists. Love it!



One of the greatest facets of reddit are the thriving subreddits, niche communities of people who share a passion for a specific topic. One of the Sifter’s personal favourites is r/ColorizedHistory. The major contributors are a mix of professional and amateur colorizers that bring historic photos to life through color. All of them are highly skilled digital artists that use a combination of historical reference material and a natural eye for colour.

When we see old photos in black and white, we sometimes forget that life back then was experienced in the same vibrant colours that surround us today. This gallery of talented artists helps us remember that 🙂

Below you will find a collection of some of the highest rated colorized images to date on r/ColorizedHistory.

I’ve also provide a list of some of the top contributors (in no particular order):

zuzahin aka Mads…

View original post 752 more words

Weekly Blogging Challenge #3: Far From Home

Since I’ve started this weekly blogging challenge I’ve been seeking out inspiration for topics to write about. Today’s challenge was inspired by the Daily Prompt: Far from home, that I found on the blog “The Daily Post“. I know I’m a bit late as this prompt was posted back on July 15th but it’s still an interesting challenge.

Anyway for this challenge I have decided to write about my October 2009 trip to Fiji. For me it was an unforgettable, life altering experience that left me wanting to travel more. It was a first for me for many various reasons.

When I turned 25, I went through a mid-midlife crisis. Upset that in the first 25 years of my life I had achieved so little for myself, I created a bucket list of things to accomplish before I turned 30. First thing on the list was to finally travel somewhere amazing. It was important to me to prove to myself that I could achieve any goal I set before me. Until taking this trip, I had never traveled anywhere outside of Canada, had never been on an airplane and the majority of my vacation’s meant camping with the family. My family being of low income couldn’t afford exotic vacation’s, so most of my traveling experience has been between Alberta and British Columbia. Many summers were spent camping in the Rockies (which are breathtakingly beautiful), but as I got older I desired to see more of the world.

I don’t remember exactly when I decided that Fiji was where I wanted to travel first. I do remember that I chose the destination with the idea in mind that it was one of the farthest places in the world I could travel. I spent days, learning all about the country, the people and the sites to see. Each day getting more and more excited at the prospect that I could actually visit there someday. It was during my research into finding the perfect island to visit that I came across this photo.  (Seen below) 


It was after seeing this beautiful image that I swore to myself that one day I would be standing on that exact tree and get my photo taken.  So I set in motion a plan to spend my 27th birthday at Nanuya Island Resort.

Now I wasn’t too interested in going on this vacation by myself. I initially invited my GF at the time to come with me (we ended up splitting up before any reservations were made because she was cheating on me), so I eventually ended up going with my best friend John, which was pretty awesome. Both of us had never traveled anywhere this exciting, and who better to celebrate your birthday with abroad then your best friend right? We left on Thanksgiving in October ( Canadian Thanksgiving being on the 14th and my birthday on the 21st) for our 10 day trip. Our trip would take us 3 hours from Edmonton to Los Angeles, (where we were initially supposed to have a 12hr layover that ended up being over night due to flight cancellation), then a 10 hour 45 min flight from LA to Nadi ,Fiji. We stayed over night in Nadi as it was still another 5 hour boat ride to Nanuya Island. I must say that’s quite an accomplishment for a first time flyer and I am proud of how well I handled such a long flight/travel time.

The boat we took from the mainland to the island was pretty nice. Called the Yasawa flyer it took us on a trip through the Yasawa islands stopping along the way to drop off and pick up travelers. Totally with the extra $$ to stay in the Air Conditioned cabin where we enjoyed the views and the company of the staff on board who were always smiling and full of interesting facts about each island. When we arrived to the island and were immediately greeted by the resorts staff, who presented us with some hand made seashell necklaces and a tasty cool, fruity drink. Jioji, who was the resident bartender gave us a briefing session about the island and what to expect. We then settled in for 8 days of true relaxation.

After 2 years planning and many hours of travel, finally I had made it. Nanuya Island Resort, FijiImage

(Can you believe how blue that water is?)

We spent the first day just relaxing, eating some good food, smoking some Cuban’s and just soaking in the experience. I couldn’t believe I was actually there, yet there I was watching the sunset behind the island across the way. I snapped the photographs (below) to capture the moment and the beauty of what I was seeing.


(The pictures truly don’t do that view justice. So beautiful I’ll never forget it.)

Now I booked this vacation with the plan in mind to do absolutely nothing for most of the time. I wanted to get away from all the noise, crowds, stress and responsibilities of my environment back home. So I pretty much spent the majority of my time there sleeping, reading, listening to music, sleeping, and exploring the island and enjoying the delicious eats provided by the resort. We even took an hour long walk around the island during low tide in which John was burnt to a crisp (Such a pasty white fucker lol). We did end up taking a trip to the Sawa-I-Lau underwater caves on my birthday, where we took a underwater dive through a very small 5 meter long opening to access the caves which was a bit scary, If you are brave enough like me you can take a cliff dive off a 30 foot high cliff into the clear waters below. (I didn’t get any pictures of the caves as I didn’t bring a water proof camera so see the link provided to check the caves out).

My time on the island was going pretty well, we met lots of people from different places around the world despite how remote a location we were at, including this Swedish guy and his girlfriend who talked hockey with us the whole time we were there. I spent a lot of time taking photographs of various things on the island from the animals, flowers, the beautiful ocean view and just silly things. During one such photo op I came across a can sitting on a tree. All rusted and gross I decided to pick it up to go and toss it in the garbage as it seemed wrong to have it sitting there. When I picked it up a lizard popped out of the can and scared the shit outta me. I managed to snap a few photos of him as he certainly wasn’t overly afraid of me. Image


He obviously had made the can his home so I returned it to where I found it and let him be. But he was by far the largest lizard I saw my entire time there. The place was crawling with little lizards of varying colors.

I took lots of photos of the flowers on the island because it was littered with them. The flowers I loved the most I snapped this photo of. It’s one of my favorite photos I’ve ever taken. Perfect composition in my books.


( I love the deep yellow colour with the white edges. I keep meaning to sketch this photo.)

So eventually it was time to say goodbye and go home. My final night there I started getting sick so I didn’t get to take part in the traditional Kava drinking ceremony they were holding. I was disappointed but I didn’t want to get anyone else sick. We said our thanks and good byes to the staff and the people we met. John gave Jioji his LED flashlight as a going away gift as Jioji had never seen one before.

Before we left I made sure that one more photo was taken. I swore to myself I would make it to that tree and get my photo taken of me standing on it. Image

( I made it. I totally made it)

This is my favorite photo of the entire trip.  What was initially a daydream inspired by a random photo I found online, became a reality for me. It’s proof that if I want something bad enough and am willing to put in the work to accomplish it that I can do it. This trip was certainly a life altering experience for me, it left me with memories to last a life time, a taste of the culture the world has to offer and it left me with a burning desire to explore the rest of the world. But most of all it was a truly humbling experience. Before I left all my life’s problems seemed so big because my world was so small. Now my life seems so small because the world is so big.

Thanks for reading tonight’s challenge, I truly enjoyed writing it. I know its a bit late in posting but it took me a few hours to write this out as I struggled deciding which photos to share. Please feel free to share comments, questions etc if you have any.

(NOTE: All photos except the first one were taken by me. I own them. The photographer of the first photo is unknown to me)

(NOTE#2. I didn’t include pics of the resort itself on purpose. It was more important to share my story then upsell the hotel, but I want it to be known they were amazing, affordable, courteous and well maintained. If you’re considering a trip to Fiji please consider Nanuya Island. You can find more info on them at http://www.nanuyafiji.com )

How music has left its permanent mark on me.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but music has always been an important and defining part of my life. I find it quite interesting how most people define themselves by the music they listen too. Each of us influenced by a song or an artist in a profound way, leaving a lasting impact on who we are as individuals.

 As I’ve mentioned in past posts, for as long as I can remember I have defined myself by Punk music and the subculture associated with it. Now I enjoy various types of music genres ranging from Ska, Rockabilly, and Metal to Classic Rock and Jazz. But Punk Music has always been my one true love. 

To give you an idea I’ve been to 300+ concerts (lost count years ago), traveled across 2 provinces to make it for the traveling punk festival Warped Tour on a few occasions, I’ve seen my favorite band 13 times and counting, own multiple cd’s, vinyl, stickers, posters, t-shirts and other merch in support of the artists I listen to. I’ve likely invested as much money into supporting my favorites artists as one would put into buying a car over the years. 

So as you can see music has been a huge part of my life. Despite the fact I’m not overly musical myself (Oh man, I was a terrible bass player) I am who I am today because of the music I hold dear.  In fact when I was turning 25, for my birthday I got a tattoo of the logo my favorite band (Strung Out) uses. (see photo below) Image

I got that tattoo to celebrate turning 25 as well as to serve as a reminder of my punk and nerd roots. While I love my tattoo I’ve been itching to add to it since the day I got it. But have been struggling with when, how and what to get to add to the existing ink. Well now that school is ending in a few weeks and the fact I am celebrating a major accomplishment in my life, the idea of getting a new tattoo to celebrate has been on my mind often. 

So I’ve come up with a concept I am happy with, as well have saved up $150 so far for the work. With music being so important to me and already having a musical inspired tattoo, I’ve decided to get a select score of music from a song by my favorite artist that’s very important to me. I hope to have it turned into a sleeve on the same arm as my existing ink. Below is a concept photo I found using Google Image search (Artist unknown)


Now this is only just a concept of the tattoo I want inked. I’m hoping to find an artist who is willing to take this picture along with the music I provide and personalize it a bit more to me and have some colour added.  But I definitely love this tattoo. Now I’m not exactly sure when I will be getting the work done, but I’ve definitely made the decision this is what I am going with.

So what do you think? I’d love to get an opinion from readers about this tattoo idea? Do you like or hate it? Do you have an idea to improve upon the design. Or are you like me and have musically inspired ink and just want to share your story/pics. Whatever your opinion is I’d love to hear it. 

I’ve included a link I found on youtube to the song that inspired my next tattoo. The guitar solo in the final minute of the song is the part of the score I want inked.  I picked it because it’s one of the few songs that no matter when I hear it, my emotional attachment to it still leaves me with chills. 

Thank you again to all who read this. Enjoy the music. 

The Misanthropic Principle – Strung Out




Welcome Readers!

Well first of all greetings to all my fellow bloggers, nerds and earth dwellers. I welcome you to my first attempt at a blog. Now this is new territory for me so I do hope any of you out there that took the time to read this takes that into consideration.

A little about me. I’m a 30 year old, male from Western Canada. I’m currently a student with a desire to enter into the graphic arts and design industry.
I’ve decided to write this blog as a way to increase my creative output as well as explore a recently discovered interest in writing.

In my writing I hope to learn, teach, inspire as well as be inspired. I’ll do my best to keep an unbiased approach to any articles, opinions or intellectual topics of a sensitive nature that I choose to post and discuss on here. I encourage comments, opinions and open discussion of anything I post. Please just keep your comments thoughtful, well mannered and creative. I have a firm stance on Internet trolls and other assholes of the like.

So welcome once again to everyone who’s taken the time to read. My goal is to post at least twice a week (Tues/Thurs) so check back then.

Until then I leave you all with a quote from a man who inspired me to embrace my love of language and Mr Bill Hicks:

” I left in love, in laughter, and in truth and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.”